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Impotence does not always end your sexual relationship
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is also called "impotence." When a man has ED, he cannot get and maintain a firm erection. ED is very common. About one in ten men have it. Some estimates say that as many as 30 million American men cannot start or complete sexual intercourse because they cannot get an erection that is hard enough.
Most ED has a physical cause. Diabetes and the side effects of prostate cancer treatment can reduce or prevent blood flow and nerve impulses to the penis. So can pelvic injury and the side effects of some drugs. Only about 10% of impotence has a psychological cause.
When a man is impotent, he often becomes anxious and depressed. His partner may feel the same anxiety, worry, depression and emotional upset that the impotent man feels. All that can damage their sexual relationship.
Fortunately, impotence can be effectively treated. A man can regain his ability to achieve a firm erection. However, regaining the ability to get an erection may not automatically restore satisfying sexual relations between your partner and you.
Working together, you may need to rebuild intimacy on both the physical and emotional level. It is a process that begins with acknowledging and discussing the problem and continues beyond your partner's treatment for ED.
Consider these key points in overcoming erectile dysfunction and renewing your sexual relationship:
Talk about erectile dysfunction
Impotence will not go away by itself. In fact, unless you and your partner confront this issue as a couple, it is likely to create gaps or barriers in your relationship. These issues can take a further toll on your sexual relationship.
Good communication is essential for good sex. It is also basic to resolving a sexual problem such as ED. Go the personal relationships page for tips on how to communicate with your partner about his impotence.
The partner's role in erectile dysfunction
The good news is that most cases of impotence can be treated. There are a variety of ED therapies available that can help give back a man his ability to get and keep an erection.
Experts say that your partner's ED treatment will be more successful when you are involved. He needs to be comfortable with the treatment he receives, and so do you.
In most cases, a doctor can help you and your partner resolve ED. While most erectile dysfunction involves a physical cause requiring physical treatment, impotence may also have a psychological factor. So it is possible that your partner's treatment-in which you need to play a role-may involve counseling.
The first step is to visit a doctor as soon as possible. In recent years, primary care physicians have become more proactive in diagnosing ED. Today, though, many men seek the help of a urologist who specializes in treating impotence. The specialist will examine erectile function. He will also look for causes of any dysfunction such as diabetes, heart disease, pelvic injury, or drug side effects. He will seek to treat both the ED and its causes. Often, impotence is a symptom of a much larger medical condition.
Ideally, see the doctor as a couple for the first consultation. Some men, however, may be reluctant about a joint first visit and may want to go alone. In that case, you may want to respect his wishes.
When you see the doctor, ask questions and request answers in plain language. Go to the appointment prepared with questions and concerns. Don't be shy. While there are a wide variety of treatments available, no single therapy is best for everyone. The physical and emotional needs and concerns of both partners have to be considered. Determining the best ED treatment should be a joint decision between your partner and you.
Clinical studies show that simply seeking treatment can have a beneficial effect on the relationship. In most cases, depending on the treatment that the doctor and you decide upon, the man can recover some or all of his erectile function. By being actively involved in his treatment you can help set the stage for renewed intimacy.
Always communicate
A few things are key to intimacy. One is good communication. Another is giving and taking affection and attention, including kissing and cuddling. Rebuilding self-esteem is crucial during this process.
Don't forget "romance." Flowers, dinner, and candle-lit romance are great for stimulating desire.
Effective treatment will often mean more give and take in the art of lovemaking. Talking with your partner about the kind of intimacy you want and need is important to establishing the level of sexual activity you both can be comfortable with.
Dealing with impotence is hard work. It can be emotionally draining. But the rewards also can be great. After finding treatment for ED, many couples say they develop a new zest for life and new meaning and reward in their relationship.